There’s a profound truth in the simple statement that “you want a partner, not a project.” As an intuitive empath and healer, I’ve spent much of my life navigating the currents of emotion, energy, and relationships—not just those of others, but my own as well. My personal journey through romantic relationships has been deeply intertwined with facing and healing my childhood trauma, a path filled with painful lessons that ultimately led to self-discovery and empowerment.
The Illusion of Healing Others
Growing up, I often felt an innate pull to help, fix, and heal those around me. This instinct, rooted in my empathic nature, made me a compassionate friend and partner, but it also led me into relationships where I found myself trying to be the “rehabilitation center” for broken souls. I subconsciously believed that by helping others heal, I would somehow heal the wounded child within me—a child who learned to seek love through caretaking and sacrifice.
But these relationships left me depleted and yearning for a reciprocity that never came. The realization that I was trying to fix others as a way to avoid facing my own pain was a pivotal moment in my journey. The truth is, when we place the burden of healing others on ourselves, we lose sight of the fact that we are not responsible for their growth. We are responsible for our own.
Painful Lessons and Transformative Growth
The turning point came during a relationship that mirrored all my unhealed wounds. I found myself constantly giving, hoping that my love and effort would be enough to change the other person. But each time I reached out with the hope of mending, I was met with resistance and disappointment. This cycle of trying to parent, fix, or change my partner only deepened the ache within me. It was a painful reminder that I was chasing validation in places where it could not be found.
Breaking free from this cycle wasn’t easy. It required me to face the trauma that taught me to equate love with sacrifice and my worth with how much I could give. The incredible lesson was that healing had to begin within me. I had to choose myself—not out of selfishness, but out of self-preservation and self-love. I learned that the journey wasn’t about finding someone to complete me, but about completing myself and allowing others to share in my wholeness.
Turning the Focus Inward
Choosing to turn the focus inward was the most liberating decision I made. It meant releasing the need to save others and redirecting that energy toward my own healing. It meant acknowledging that my value did not depend on how well I could hold others up, but on how well I could stand on my own. This realization shifted my entire approach to relationships; I was no longer seeking projects, but partners who were willing to walk alongside me as equals.
The key to my healing journey was understanding that while relationships can be beautiful catalysts for growth, they are not meant to be the sole source of healing. That work belongs to us, individually. The partners we choose should uplift, inspire, and share in the journey, not become tasks we need to fix.
Choosing You
If you find yourself in relationships where you are more of a healer than a partner, take a step back and ask: “Am I choosing them to avoid choosing me?” The answer may be difficult to face, but it is the beginning of true transformation. It is a reminder that you are worthy of love that does not come at the cost of your peace.
My journey as an intuitive empath has taught me that healing comes from within and that when we turn the focus inward, we not only heal ourselves but transform the relationships we attract. By choosing to prioritize my own healing, I have been reminded that I am not a rehabilitation center. I am a soul on a journey, deserving of a partner who celebrates that journey, not one who depends on it for their own healing.
To those navigating similar paths, remember: you are worthy of love that is balanced, reciprocal, and rooted in mutual growth. Choose yourself, work on yourself, and trust that the right partner will be drawn to your light, not your sacrifice.
With love and resilience,
Michelle self empowerment